


(we're gonna make it somehow) i never lived in the truth until now

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, aaron supporting robert because they are best friends, unsure and shy robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:56:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: robert has a lot on his mind and aaron notices.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 16
Kudos: 111





	(we're gonna make it somehow) i never lived in the truth until now

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was supposed to be a little ficlet but it got slightly longer :) title is from the song i wanna be myself or nothing at all by nick ward which is very fitting for this fic. i hope you enjoy <3

“Rob? Has something happened, you’ve been quiet the whole evening.”

Robert looks over at Aaron who’s lying on his bed before glancing back to his textbook. He's sitting at his desk, trying to concentrate at the work in front of him. He told Aaron he was going to finish this assignment before they were going to watch a movie. Robert feels guilty, now he's at university they can’t hang out as much as they used to and he misses Aaron whenever he’s in Manchester. He doesn’t want to lose his best mate but he knows it will be inevitable in the end. Aaron’s life is well, much more settled. He works in the garage, soon he might even move out, get work in a big garage in Leeds. He will find other friends, maybe even _a boyfriend_. Robert sees all that and more for his best mate, while he sees his own life spiralling into more and more chaos. And then there’s Adam of course, Aaron always jokes that both he and Adam are his best mates but soon enough Adam will seem miles more interesting than Robert- he’s sure of it.

“Rob?”

“Sorry- I’m sorry.” Robert gulps, closing his textbook. There is no way he’s going to get any more work done tonight, he will just have to finish it tomorrow.

“Have you finished?” Aaron asks as he shifts himself into a sitting position.

“Yes.” Robert lies even though he knows it’s pointless.

“You’re lying.” Aaron says as he moves over to the end of Robert’s bed to get closer to him.

“What’s up- and don’t bother telling me that it’s nothing.”

Robert is itching to tell someone and Aaron is his best mate but he’s so scared, scared that Aaron won’t believe him or think he’s messing about. Aaron says nothing, just waits patiently as Robert keeps playing helplessly with his hands, thoughts flickering back to the past week at uni, to his night out, to _Toby._

He’s never told Aaron about his feelings for boys, he’s never told him about that farmhand, _Tom_ , even though they have been friends ever since Aaron came to the village at age 13. Even when Aaron came out he didn’t tell him and the longer he kept it a secret the more ashamed he felt. Robert didn’t even know why, maybe it was because he had tried to hide it for so long while Aaron had done the brave thing and could now freely talk about his feelings. Robert wasn’t sure if he could ever do that but he wasn’t sure if he could hide it either. But what if Aaron gets angry and doesn’t believe he feels things for both boys and girls? And then there are his feelings for Aaron, he’s liked him for years now but he can’t tell him that can he? There is no point anyway because Robert can’t imagine Aaron liking him back in that way.

Robert is half aware of his eyes filling with tears. He’s just so tired of overthinking it all. He wants to know who he is even if it scares him half to death.

“Robert- please.” Robert realises that his best mate is very much aware of the tears in his eyes and his heart clenches at the worry that is so evident in the younger boy’s voice.

Robert sighs before joining Aaron on his bed.

“Please tell me- is it your dad? Are you failing uni… _are you ill?_ ”

Robert can’t help himself, he takes Aaron’s hand and squeezes it. They are close, best mates and often fairly tactile with each other. Robert likes that about their friendship even if his dad and Andy think it’s weird. Robert never wanted to mess up their friendship but maybe he is about to.

“I- I’m not sure how to tell you this and where to start but.. Thursday- I went out with my uni mates and I- I kissed someone, a boy. I kissed a boy called Toby. I thought I could suppress it but I don’t think I can- I like boys, Aaron. But I also like girls and I’m so tired of overthinking it all and-“ He can’t speak anymore, the lump in his throat too painful now.

“Rob, Robert- look at me.” Robert raises his head slowly, Aaron is looking at him, tears in his eyes but he’s smiling- almost like he’s _proud._

Robert sniffs, he wants to start explaining himself, wants to tell Aaron that he's sorry, explain why he didn’t tell him before but he doesn’t quite know where to start.

“Sorry.” Robert whispers.

“Rob, for what?” Aaron asks, looking confused.

“For not telling you.”

“I don’t care about that Rob.”

“But you’ve been out for ages- and I knew I liked boys but-“

“That doesn’t mean you had to tell me Robert- not before you were ready.” Aaron reasons and Robert wipes at his face.

“So you believe me?”

“W-what?” Aaron stammers.

“That I like both.”

“Course I do.” Aaron says, sounding so sure and Robert feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

“Did you think I wouldn’t believe you?”

“I don’t know.” Robert shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

“Have you been worried about this this whole time Rob?” Aaron looks sad and Robert's heart drops.

“Yeah, partly. And that you would be angry because I didn’t tell ya.”

“I’m not.” Aaron reassures. Aaron’s hand is still in Robert’s, he finds that he doesn’t want to let him go.

“Since when have you known?” Aaron asks him gently and Robert smiles, tells Aaron not to go mad. His best mate has never liked his dad and this wasn’t going to improve their relationship.

When Robert’s finished telling him about Tom, Aaron’s eyes are full of tears again.

“I couldn’t tell ya- I was ashamed and confused and like I said, I was determined to suppress it from then on, turns out I couldn’t.”

Aaron’s shaking his head at him, he’s visibly upset and Robert feels guilty because he knows it’s _for_ him, Aaron has always worn his heart on his sleeve.

“I’m so so sorry that happened to you. I hate him I- you didn’t deserve that Rob, you know that yeah? You didn’t do anything wrong- and you have nothing to feel ashamed about.”

Robert nods, can’t believe he gets to have someone like Aaron Dingle as a best mate. It’s more than he deserves, whatever Aaron says.

Aaron untangles their hands but the loss of contact isn’t for long because before Robert can do anything, Aaron brings him towards his chest, holding him there in one of the tightest hugs Robert’s ever gotten.

“I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to anyone about this, but you’re not alone, I promise.”

Robert can’t stop his tears any longer, knows Aaron will feel the wetness in his neck but he just keeps holding him, rubbing his back- it reminds Robert of his mum, she used to comfort him like this.

“I really thought I could you know, hide it.” Robert mumbles against Aaron’s neck. Now that he’s talking he finds that he wants to let it all out.

“I know.” Aaron shushes him.

“There was Tom and after that some other boys that I liked but it never went anywhere because I would suppress any sort of feeling towards them and then there was you-“ He hadn’t mean to say _quite_ that much that but now he had.

Robert can feel Aaron freeze against him and he knows he’s fucked it all up now, he never fails to fuck things up.

“Shit- Aaron, forget I said that, please.”

Aaron lets him go and Robert thinks he’s going to leave but he doesn’t move. He looks almost shy and Robert doesn’t understand what’s happening.

“You liked me?”

Robert wants to lie, get out of this but he can’t bring himself to.

 _“Like.”_ He says as he stares at his hands.

“Why did you-“

“Why have I never said anything? I told ya- I was pretending I didn’t like boys in that way. I was never planning on telling ya- never wanted to lose ya as a mate and then you came out and I didn’t think you would ever like me like that anyway so-“

“Why wouldn’t I?” Aaron stares him right in the eyes and Robert gulps, can’t speak without stammering. “I-“

“Rob, of course I fancy you.” He’s shaking his head almost as if to say _how could I not._ Aaron’s blushing as he’s speaking and Robert feels this unexplainable feeling of happiness rush through him. He has to remind himself that this is real, that this isn’t a dream. Aaron, his best mate is telling him that he likes him as more than just a friend.

“Really.”

“Really, really.” Aaron grins, he’s still blushing and Robert thinks it’s adorable.

Robert feels thrilled, confused and slightly scared at the same time. His hands are shaking and he shily avoids Aaron’s gaze once again. Robert wants to stay in this bubble of softness forever, both of them shy in a way they’ve never been with each other. All of this feels too good to be true and Robert is still afraid that whatever this is, is going to change things between them.

“Rob, look at me. I love you, as a friend but also as more- if you would be okay with that?”

“You want to be my boyfriend?”

“Yeah, I do- if you’re ready for that?” Aaron says, sounding less sure now.

“No- I am.” Robert says, Aaron has nothing to be insecure about, it’s him.

“We don’t have to tell anyone.” Aaron says gently and Robert’s heart hurts. He doesn’t want that, he would never hide Aaron away. It's just that Robert isn’t sure whether he is enough for Aaron, had never once dared to imagine being his boyfriend.

“No I- I’m not hiding you Aaron- but I am scared.” He warms at his own honesty, still not quite looking at Aaron.

“I know.” Aaron whispers, before hesitating slightly. “What about Toby?” And Robert frowns before smiling, Toby is nice and kissing him felt good but he’s not his best mate who he’s been in love with for so long is he?

“He’s not you, I want to be your boyfriend- if you’ll have me.” Robert says, voice shaking slightly but Aaron’s smiling so broadly that Robert forgets to be scared. _Aaron really wants to be with him._

“Absolutely.” Aaron says, coming even closer now and Robert forgets how to breathe. He closes his eyes as he feels Aaron’s soft lips pressing against his. It’s all he ever wanted but never thought he’d have.

“I love you, I have done for so so long now.”

Robert can’t believe he’d never noticed it before, can’t believe he’s been that blind.

“I wish I’d known. I’m sorry it took so long.” Robert whispers and then, “I love you too.” Aaron’s smiling against his lips, stays there as he mumbles, “you’ve nothing to be sorry for. After all, you told me you liked me first. You’re the brave one here.”

Robert lets out a little laugh before kissing Aaron again, _he’s kissing his first proper boyfriend._ He’s not scared anymore because he’s got his best friend, _his boyfriend_ by his side and he knows he can face anything.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, if you can let me now what you thought!
> 
> 💌you can find me on tumblr at @enchantedsugden💌


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